


component of operational unity

by fangirl_squee



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Gen, The Power Of Friendship And The Stubborn Determination Of Rita Penumbrapodcast
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-06
Updated: 2018-09-06
Packaged: 2019-07-07 16:56:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15912438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fangirl_squee/pseuds/fangirl_squee
Summary: Rita searches for Juno after he disappears. Her investigation leads her all the way to the top of the mayoral race.





	component of operational unity

**Author's Note:**

> for Karin, for their birthday (sorry it's late!) - I hope you like it!!
> 
> beta'ed by maddie - thank you maddie, for this and for always

The first sign that something was wrong was that Juno didn’t check in. Not that he normally checked in and let Rita know how he was going with something, because a lot of times he was in places he shouldn’t be for cases and had to be real quiet, but normally he called at least once during a case to ask her to do something, even if it was just to look up an address he’d forgot to check before he left the office.

 

Although. He hadn’t been doing that as often lately. Not since he got that fancy new eye. 

 

That eye. He’d told her not to worry about it and he was always dodging questions about where exactly he got it. He hadn’t said so, but it definitely seemed  _ expensive _ , more expensive than someone working at the Juno Steel Detective Agency could have afforded (and Rita should know, since she took care of all the financials ever since Juno made one too many jokes about keeping his money under his mattress).

 

_ But _ since Juno not calling had given her some extra time on her hands, Rita had time to look into it a little. It didn’t take long to figure out the make and model of it - THEIA Spectrum models were pretty distinctive, mostly on account of how expensive they were to get ahold of (not to mention the installation process - Rita hurriedly closed the vid. The text description was  _ more _ than enough to make her regret her lunch).

 

Rita tapped her pen on the desk, thinking. She had a real mystery on her hands with this one. Good thing she was  _ basically  _ a detective. She’d do what Mista Steel would do and look at all the facts of this particular case together to solve it. Rita and the Case of the Mysterious Disappearing Boss.

 

So: the facts. Juno loses his eye while out on a case. Juno comes back, real sad, and mopes around for a few months - upsetting clients, mostly. Juno takes a case about a missing cat, gets himself into a dangerous situation, which at least seems to shake him out of the worst of it. Juno skips their biweekly dinner to go meet with someone and is very  _ mysterious  _ about it when she asks. Juno doesn’t come into the office the next day, and then the day after has a fancy new eye. Juno starts taking cases that haven’t come into the office. Juno stops calling her so often during cases. Juno goes off the grid, which seems like it should be hard to do with a cybernetic eye.

 

Rita hummed to herself, swivelling around to face her computer again. If she could figure out the serial number of the eye, she could maybe track him that way. The clack of the keyboard almost echoed in the quiet of the office as she typed. Obviously Juno hadn’t bought the eye himself  _ but _ if it had been… installed… legitimately, and that meant legitimate records of it had to exist  _ some _ where.

 

It took her a little longer than she thought it would have, starting from hospitals and working her way through until she got to a very small, very private, very  _ exclusive _ clinic. There were  _ lots _ of interesting records, some which were from Hyperion City’s rich and famous and some people she’d never heard of whose come in from off-world, but the file that interested her most was by one Dr Kinnear on a Mr J Smith for the installation of a single THEIA Spectrum eyepiece, and paid for by a corporation Rita had never heard of.

 

Rita wrinkled her nose, sifting through the maze of shell corporations and subsidiaries until she got to the parent company: Northstar Entertainment, current CEO: Rames O’Flaherty.

 

Rita frowned. Why did that name sound so familiar-- oh, right, he was that guy running for mayor, who kept talking about how he was going to change everything and make the city a shining beacon of justice and truth or whatever. The guy who’d been getting all those death threats that -- Oh! Juno had helped him out with that, hadn’t he?

 

She spun herself over to the short filing cabinet, rifling through the scraps of paper to pull out her shorthand notes about that, which was a detailed picture she’d drawn of O’Flaherty on a boat. Hmm. The case at the prison he’d hired Juno for had been legitimate, even if the end of it gave Juno a bad feeling and made him brood all over the place, although, sighed Rita, most things did… except this O’Flaherty guy. Whenever his commercial played when they were in the office Juno would stop what he was doing and listen to it and then stare into the distance the way he did when he was getting all thoughtful about something. And sometimes when he’d hear a Pilot Pereyra ad trying to get dirt on O’Flaherty he’d scowl and say something about how whatever Pereyra was saying wasn’t true.

 

Rita hummed to herself again. So Juno meets a mystery person and then the next time she sees him, he has a fancy new eye courtesy of O’Flaherty, and then he goes out and does at least one job for the guy, that she knows of. If she were Juno Steel: Private Eye and  _ she  _ were investigating this case, what would she do next? She’d call herself, and ask herself to track the eye.

 

Well, that would be easy! She didn’t need to call herself. That was a real time saver.

 

With a few keystrokes, the paths Juno had taken over the past few months lay in front of her - Fortezza prison, Polaris Park, the office, his apartment, a few bars, a few other people’s apartments, First Museum of Colonized History in Hyperion City... Rita frowned. That was pretty unusual for Juno. Usually the only history he wanted to dwell on was his own.

 

The eye’s tracker went offline in the museum, came back online in small, patchy bursts underground, the sewers maybe, before going out of range. Rita let out a long breath. Well. That certainly didn’t make it any clearer.

 

Rita tried to think of what else Juno would do if he were investigating. To do that, she stared out the window of their office at the grey city, trying to affect the kind of expression Juno had when thinking through a case.

 

“I’m going to go talk to the missin’ person’s most recent known client,” said Rita, in her best Juno Steel impression, “book me a meetin’ with Ramses O’Flaherty.”

 

Then she swivelled her chair around, hacking into O’Flaherty calendar, and booked it herself. The guy was pretty busy, but he had fifteen minutes in-between lunch and another meeting. If she hurried, she could catch him before his secretary realised the booking wasn’t supposed to be there.

 

She got to Ramses O’Flaherty as he was about to get into the elevator, which was perfect.

 

“Mr O’Flaherty?” said Rita, “I’m so glad you could meet with me.”

 

His assistant, a hulking mass of a human being, stepped in front of him.

 

“Ex _ cuse _ me,” said Rita, “I  _ have _ an appointment.”

 

“What?” said O’Flaherty’s assistant.

 

“An  _ app-point-ment _ ,” said Rita, “check your calendar.”

 

The assistant scrolled through, their eyebrows shooting up as they got to her booking.

 

“Uh. Right.” They looked to O’Flaherty. “Fifteen minute booking with Rita of the Juno Steel Detective Agency?”

 

O’Flaherty blinked, once, surprise quickly melting into a charming smile. Stay strong Rita, Juno wouldn’t be fooled by a handsome face. Well. He would, but maybe now was the time to investigate like Rita instead.

 

“Of course,” said O’Flaherty smoothly, “I don’t have much time, but I can certainly give you what little I have. How can I be of assistance to you, Miss Rita?”

 

“Well, it’s kinda a strange one,” said Rita, “but I figure, you’re runnin’ for mayor of this town so you must be pretty used to strange, right?”

 

O’Flaherty huffed a warm laugh. “You could certainly say that.”

 

“And I just did,” said Rita, “So, okay, a little while ago my boss did a job for you where he stopped you from gettin’ killed.”

 

“Yes, I believe I remember that,” said O’Flaherty, “a sad case of the city’s justice system failing its people.”

 

“Right,” said Rita, because it looked like this guy was maybe about to go into speech mode and she really just wasn’t looking for that right now, “but you met with Mista Steel  _ after  _ that, didn’t you?”

 

Something flickered across O’Flaherty’s face, too quickly for Rita to catch properly before his expression had settled back into the warm charm.

 

“Perhaps,” said O’Flaherty, “I’ve met with many people during this election, especially about security concerns.”

 

“People don’t normally ask Mista Steel to check their security.”

 

“Most people aren’t running for mayor of Hyperion City,” said O’Flaherty, “I have a lot more dangers on me than most people.”

 

Juno had told her once that people who professed to be  _ more _ without showing you proof often weren’t any  _ more _ than anyone else. It had been related, at the time, to someone claiming to be better at hacking systems than she was, and had probably just been Juno trying to make her feel better about accidentally leaving a backdoor in something one time, but still.

 

“Most people don’t pay for people to get a THEIA Spectrum eyepiece neither,” said Rita.

 

O’Flaherty paused. “Your Detective Steel is a fine man who does good work in this community. I see investing in him as investing in the safety and security of myself and this city as a whole.”

 

Rita nodded, resisting the urge to step backwards. No matter how charming this guy was, it was  _ always _ suspicious when upstanding and powerful people said something nice about Juno without a caveat, no matter how much she agreed with what he was saying. Juno tried his best to annoy the hell out of those people, and anyone pretending their interactions with him had been sunshine and roses was usually trying to get her to do something, like hand over case evidence or give them Juno’s private number.

 

“Right,” said Rita, “exactly. Only, the thing is, he’s gone missin’.”

 

“Missing?”

 

“Yeah, I haven’t heard from him all day,” said Rita, “and any time I call him it goes straight to his voicemail.”

 

“Detective Steel doesn’t seem like the type to always pick up his phone.”

 

“Well, no,” said Rita, “but he’s usually okay at callin’ me back.”

 

O’Flaherty’s phone beeped. “I’m sure he’ll turn up. I apologise for rushing out but I really do have to get to this meeting. Investors.”

 

“Right,” said Rita, “Right, of course.”

 

O’Flaherty stepped into the elevator, and his assistant stepped in after him. He didn’t look up from his phone as the doors closed. Rita watched the numbers on the elevator tick higher and higher until they reached O’Flaherty’s office floor... and then went past it. Rita checked the building listing on the way out - there wasn’t supposed to be anything on that floor. The building’s website listed that floor as ‘closed for renovations’, although light digging revealed that the entire building was Northstar Entertainment property.

 

Rita thought again about what Juno would do if he were on this case. He’d ask her to research the company - check. He’d go talk to the client - check. He’d go talk to the witnesses - check, sort of. She’d already read the prison reports, and she’d written up Juno’s report herself (well, written up in her own way. Somewhere in their files was a picture of a swan surrounded by tiny teddy bears). There was  _ one _ other witness that she hadn’t spoken to.

 

Mick Mercury opened the door to his tiny apartment, wearing pajama with tiny ducks all over them scrubbing a hand over his face. His eyes widened when he saw Rita.

 

“Uh, hi, Rita, right?”

 

“That’s me!” said Rita brightly, “mind if I come in?”

 

“Uh, sure?” said Mick, which was good, because Rita was already walking past him.

 

“Mista Mercury,” said Rita, turning around dramatically after Mick closed the door, “Mista Steel’s missin’.”

 

“What?” said Mick, “What do you  _ mean _ missing?”

 

“What do you  _ think _ I mean?” said Rita, “He’s not answerin’ his phone! He hasn’t called me since yesterday morning!”

 

“That doesn’t sound too out of character for Juno,” said Mick, “He’s not really a phone call kinda guy.”

 

“But he  _ always  _ calls when he’s on a case,” said Rita, “Even if it’s to ask me something annoyin’ that I already told him when he weren’t listenin’!”

 

“Are you sure he’s just not like, really wrapped up in something?” said Mick “Or maybe his phone broke?”

 

“No, see, he got this fancy new eye so even if his phone broke he could still call me by-- oh! Right! The eye!” said Rita, “When I tracked it, it went to the museum--”

 

“The museum?”

 

“ _ Exactly _ ,” said Rita, pointing at Mick, “Since when have you heard of Mista Steel going to a museum! And  _ then _ the tracker must have shorted out or got turned off somehow, because it was offline for a long time and then it sort of went underground and now it’s just  _ nowhere _ , and Mista Mercury I just don’t know what to do! Mista Steel’s in danger, I just know it, but he hasn’t called, and he always calls when he’s in danger because he knows I can get him out of it but he  _ hasn’t  _ called, so he must  _ really _ be in danger and no one will believe me that he’s missin’!”

 

“Hey, whoa,” said Mick, putting his hands on her shoulders, “I believe you.”

 

“You do?”

 

“I mean, Juno’s in danger a  _ lot _ , so it makes sense,” said Mick, “and it’s up to us to rescue him.”

 

“Right!” said Rita.

 

“Right!” said Mick. He let his hand fall back at his side. “So, uh. How are we going to do that?”

 

“Well, first we’ve gotta figure out what case he was on,” said Rita.

 

“Right!” said Mick, “How do we do that?”

 

“I have the files back at the office,” said RIta, “plus, it’s much more secure than this place.”

 

Mick looked over his shoulder at the closed door. “What d’you mean?”

 

“Mista Mercury,” said Rita, trying her best to be gentle, “this building barely has a workin’ security camera. Anyone could break in here, not to mention how many listenin’ devices could be around us right now.”

 

Mick laughed nervously. “Who’d want to do that?”

 

Rita shrugged. “I’m just sayin’.”

 

Mick looked over his shoulder at the door, a little more nervously this time. “Okay. I’ll just-” he dropped his voice to a whisper, “I’m just gonna go get changed.”

 

When they reached Juno’s office there was already someone waiting for them, a tall woman, banging on the office door, the glass rattling with her blows..

 

“Can I help you?” said Rita.

 

The woman spun quickly to face them. “Where’s Juno Steel?”

 

“That’s what  _ we’re  _ trying to find out,” said Mick.

 

Rita shushed him. “He’s out of the office at the moment, but if you leave your name and number I can get him to call you when he gets back in.”

 

“When will  _ that _ be?”

 

“He’s out on a case at the moment,” said Rita, in her best over-the-phone-receptionist voice, “So I can’t be sure.”

 

“I know he’s out on a case,” said the woman, “that’s why he called my wife, but now she’s not answering her phone, and she  _ always _ answers her phone when I call her.”

 

“There’s a lot of that going around at the moment,” said Rita.

 

She unlocked the office door and the woman followed them in. Mick looked between them, expression panicked.

 

“Please,” said the woman, “Just- can you call him? Or at least tell me where they are?”

 

“Maybe,” said Rita, “What’s your wife’s name?”

 

“Alessandra,” said the woman, “Alessandra Strong. I’m Shaida Strong.”

 

“And you say he called her to ask for help with a case?” said Rita, trying to be careful.

 

“Yes,” said Shaida, “He called, and said he needed backup for this thing at the museum, and she said she’d be home late but-” she took a shaky breath, “-that was last night, and she hasn’t called, and her phone goes straight to voicemail. I tried going to the police but they won’t even let me file a missing person’s report until she’s been gone for 48 hours.”

 

Rita bit her lip. “She didn’t say what the thing was?”

 

“No,” said Shaida, “Look, do you know where he is or not?”

 

“Mrs Strong, I’m gonna level with you,” said Rita, “I’m havin’ the same problem except with Mista Steel. He said he was going out, he dropped off the grid, and no one seems to even know why he was there.” She paused. “I mean, I didn’t do the  _ going to the police _ part because they’re not really fans of Mista Steel’s, but they probably woulda told me the same thing.”

 

“So you can’t help me either?”

 

Rita thought for a moment. Juno Steel, and therefore the Juno Steel Detective Agency, had never turned down a case from a pretty lady and she wasn’t about to break that streak just because Juno Steel wasn’t there.

 

“Of course we can,” said Rita, “Detective Rita is on the case!”

 

It took awhile to convince Shaida to leave. Rita looked down at her scrawled contact details, not that she really needed to look at them to remember them. She put it in her pocket anyway, just in case.

 

“So what do we do now?” said Mick.

 

“Now we, um…” Rita thought for a moment. “Right, okay, so we know Mista Steel was at the museum with Misses Strong, and that he wanted her help, so it was probably for something pretty dangerous. And we know that before that he was doing work for that O’Flaherty guy.”

 

“That guy running for mayor?”

 

“Yeah, him,” said Rita, “so now he have to...um…”  _ Think Rita, think, what would Mista Steel do. _ “So now we should go talk to him again now that we have this new information!”

 

“What would that guy know about what happened to Juno?”

 

“Well I don’t know,” said Rita, “but usually when Mista Steel goes to see someone a second time he finds out somethin’ new.”

 

“And gets in trouble,” added Mick.

 

“Right!” said Rita, “That’s why  _ you’re _ comin’ with me.”

 

“Me? I don’t know, Ms Rita.”

 

“All you have to do is wait outside in case I need to make a quick getaway!” said Rita, “Oh! It’ll be just like in the movies! I’ll run out and we’ll speed off and, and-- come on Mista Mercury! Mista Steel said you were king of the highway!”

 

“Juno said that?”

 

Rita nodded.

 

Mick puffed out his chest. “I guess I  _ am _ king of the highway. Grab your coat Ms Rita, we’ve got ourselves a mayoral candidate to interrogate.”

 

Mick’s bravado had faded a little by the time they got to the Northstar Entertainment offices, which was fine by Rita. She patted him on the shoulder as she got off the bike, straightening her jacket and walking straight to the elevator. Her finger hovered for a moment over the numbers before hitting the one for the floor above the Northstar offices.The floor that was supposed to be under renovations. If Juno were here, he’d probably investigate it a little bit too, so she figured it was the right thing to do. 

 

The elevator panel slid back to reveal a keypad. Oh. Yeah. Of course. Secret floors in buildings  _ always _ had secret codes to go along with them. Good thing she’d brought her phone. She grinned to herself as she ran the numbers. This really  _ was _ just like the movie! And a lot easier than Juno always made it sound, too.

 

The elevator moved easily upwards after she hacked the system. Rita hummed along to the elevator music. The door pinged open.

 

The floor  _ did _ look like it was undergoing renovations - plastic sheeting and bare wood scattered around. Rita poked around, noting the overflowing ashtray by the window, the imprint on a table where a briefcase had laid in the sawdust, the torn scraps of of a chequebook. Signs of business deals kept away from prying eyes. Not so unusual for Hyperion City, especially for fancy business types.

 

Rita peered out the window carefully. They were high enough up to be above the layer of smog that covered the city. That wasn’t so unusual for fancy business types either, making sure the offices they used were high enough that city below looked peaceful instead of grimy.

 

She noticed there were no cameras on this floor, which  _ was  _ very unusual for any building in Hyperion City. Even Mista Steel’s terrible apartment had had a security camera, and that was before she got to it and put in the whole new system. She looked up at the corner of what was probably the reception area, at the faint screwmarks on the wall where a camera had been.

 

“Hmm,” said Rita out loud in her best impression of Juno, “Renovations.”

 

With an ordinary politician it wouldn’t have been so suspicious, but most ordinary politicians made it known that they were running on bribes - it had almost been Mayor Pereyra’s entire platform. O’Flaherty, though Rita, looking again at the torn scraps of paper on the ground, was  _ supposed _ to be different.

 

Still, this didn’t prove anything other than he really  _ was  _ in politics, so Rita got back into the elevator and went to the floor marked as the Northstar Entertainment offices.

 

“I’m here to see Mista O’Flaherty,” said Rita, giving her best  _ I have an appointment  _ smile.

 

“He’s, um, in a meeting right now?” said the receptionist.

 

She didn’t sound too sure though, so Rita decided to call her bluff. It probably not what Juno would have done, but it was someone in a movie would have done. 

 

“Yeah,” said Rita, “that’s the meetin’ I’m here to be in.”

 

“You… are?”

 

Rita straightened her shoulders. “Yeah, I am. Call Mista O’Flaherty himself if you don’t believe me, but it’s gonna be way more hassle and you know he’s  _ such _ a busy man I don’t know that he’ll  _ appreciate _ you callin’ him  _ all _ the way out here when I could just go in.”

 

“I don't know if-”

 

But Rita was already walking past the desk. 

 

“Don't worry, I know where I'm going!” Rita called back over her shoulder. 

 

She didn't, but how hard could it really be, all she had to do was look for the fanciest office in the place, it was that  _ deductive reasoning  _ thing Mista Steel had told her about, after they had seen that old earth movie about that guy who solved crimes by noticing teeny tiny things about them and--whoops, there was a fancy office, brass nameplate on the door and everything.

 

Rita knocked on the door. “Mista O’Flaherty, your two o'clock is here.”

 

“I don't have a two o'clock,” said O’Flaherty from behind the door. 

 

“Oh good,” said Rita, opening the door, “then you have time to see me!”

 

O’Flaherty was sitting behind a carved wooden desk. The room was a lot plainer than she'd thought it would be, although there were certainly enough pricey paperweights scattered around to remind you of wealth, and an overflowing ashtray by the window that was a twin of the one on the floor above them.

 

“Ah,” said O’Flaherty, rising from his chair, “Miss… Rita, wasn't it?”

 

“That's me!” said Rita brightly, “Now I know you're a real busy guy, but I think I have a real problem on my hands and I was hoping you could help me out.”

 

“When I said I would help every citizen with anything big or small I didn't really expect you to start coming in person,” said O’Flaherty. 

 

“What?” said Rita, “Sorry I think I probably missed most of your big speeches, they always put them on  _ right  _ at the same time as  _ As The Earth Turns,  _ and I just  _ can't  _ miss that, even though Mista Steel--oh! Right! Mista Steel!” O’Flaherty looked as though he was about to say something but Rita powered on through. “He hasn't checked in with me or  _ anybody  _ since the night before last and he's not answerin’ his comms and Mista O’Flaherty I'm starting to get real worried about him.”

 

“Yes,” said O’Flaherty, “I understand that he does have a tendency to throw himself into the path of trouble rather recklessly.”

 

“That's it  _ exactly,”  _ said Rita, gesturing wildly, “you gotta help me Mr O’Flaherty! I know you're real busy but gotta know  _ somethin’. _ ”

 

“Not that I don't want to help you Miss Rita,” said O’Flaherty, “but I just don't know what information I can give you.”

 

“But Mista Steel worked all those jobs for you,” said Rita, “and I thought since you told him to go to the museum you could tell me where he went from there.”

 

O'Flaherty’s shoulder tensed for a moment before relaxing, just a tiny twitch on the muscles in his neck. 

 

“You're quite a bit like your former employer, aren't you?”

 

Rita blinked. “ _ Former _ ?!”

 

“Slip of the tongue,” said O’Flaherty.

 

His smile was just as warm as it always had been, but now Rita could see the sharp edges of it, the way his eyes stayed hard and cold.

 

_ Oh _ , thought Rita,  _ uh oh, I read this situation all wrong _ .  _ Mista Steel's in real trouble. Quick, think Rita, think!  _

 

Rita thought very hard about the movie she and Franny had watched last weekend, where the little girl and the dog were best friends but then she had to move planets and the dog kept trying to follow her and-- oh, it was  _ so sad _ \--

 

Rita burst into tears. “Oh Mista O’Flaherty, you don't think Mista Steel's gotten himself into  _ trouble _ , do you? If he wasn't doin work for an upstanding guy like you then I don't know  _ what  _ he was doing!”

 

O’Flaherty handed her a box of tissues and she blew her nose. Loudly. 

 

“There there Miss Rita, don't upset yourself,” said O’Flaherty warmly, “from what I know of Juno I'm sure he's just as likely crawling from bar to bar as he is getting into trouble.”

 

Rita sniffed. “You think so?”

 

“I'm sure he's just fine,” said O’Flaherty, “you mark my words, he'll turn up in a few days bruised and a little hungover but no worse for wear than you'd expect.”

 

Rita sniffed again, making a show of wiping her eyes. “Okay Mista O’Flaherty. Gosh I feel real silly coming all the way down here to bother you about this now, what with how busy you are and everything--”

 

As if on queue, O’Flaherty’s phone began ringing. 

 

“It's no trouble at all my dear,”  said O’Flaherty. He glanced at the phone. “I apologise, I really must take this.”

 

“Okay,” said Rita, “Thanks for talkin’ to me Mista O’Flaherty.”

 

“Any time,” said O’Flaherty.

 

The door swung shut behind her, the hiss of the lock sealing shut. Rita wiped her eyes again, walking quickly to the elevator and jamming her finger quickly on the  _ close door  _ button. It wasn't until the elevator began to move down that she let out a long breath, mindful not to change her body language too much under the camera’s gaze. 

 

She waved Mick down quickly, climbing on behind him before he could ask about her red eyes. 

 

“Go, go, go,” hissed Rita. 

 

“Where are we going?” yelled Mick over the roar of the motorbike. 

 

“Mista Steel's office!” Rita yelled back. 

 

It didn't take them long to get back, but Rita didn't need long to make a plan. 

 

“What are we gonna do?” said Mick, pacing back and forth, “We can't fight a guy like that!”

 

“Sure we can!” said Rita. 

 

“What?” said Mick, “Ms Rita, I know I look like an intimidating enough kind of guy who could take down whole gangs single handed, but like, this guy probably has his own private  _ army. _ ”

 

“Not where I'm fighting him he doesn't,” said Rita, flicking on her computer. 

 

It was surprisingly easy to pick holes in some of his smaller funds. Big picture guys always forgot how it was the small things that got under people's skin the most. All it really took was a few slipped emails, a few misplaced funds, and suddenly he had all  _ kinds  _ of people calling him. Not that they could get through properly - it looked like he was having some  _ real  _ trouble with his phone lines.

 

Rita double-checked that she had herself hidden and muted before she connected to the call, half-listening to O’Flaherty chew out an underlying and make more than a few incriminating phone calls to his former backers as she worked.

 

“Wow,” said Mick, “I thought for sure that guy was going to win.”

 

Rita looked up. Mick was watching a news stream as he slowly stirred sugar into her coffee, watching as the reporter detailed a clash between a loud and angry O’Flaherty, red in the face, opposite an equally red-faced banker.

 

“Hey,” said Mick, “isn't this the guy you went to see today?”

 

Rita's hands flew over the keyboard, moving a small fraction of shares from one place to another in O’Flaherty’s accounts, and starting to type an anonymous tip  _ looks like he's not so supportive of your business as he said, if he's already starting to pull out _ .

 

“Yeah,” said Rita, “it is. Thanks for the coffee Mista Mercury.”

 

“Sure, sure,” said Mick, still distracted by the news footage, “but how does this help us find Juno?”

 

Rita hummed. “We’re gonna do what Mista Steel would do.”

 

Micks eyes went wide. 

 

“Mista Mercury, get your coat,” said Rita, “we got a lotta people to see.”

 

A lifetime of being  _ somebody's secretary  _ helped Rita a lot of experience in wheedling her way past other people's assistants, and more than a few years as Juno Steel's receptionist meant that she had a lot of experience talking cold and dry business with all  _ kinds  _ of people. Juno was a great detective, but he wasn't the one who called clients and reminded them to make payment or to sign off on privacy forms. 

 

She was very careful to only tell them  _ some _ of what she knew (because not telling them everything was what Juno would do), and then she asked them for their help (because, look, she couldn’t be Juno Steel all the time, and anyway, being himself all the time was how Juno got into this mess in the first place). She didn’t ask for anything in  _ particular _ , she just let them know that no matter what O’Flaherty promised them, there was no way to know for sure if he’d  _ really _ follow through.

 

“I mean,” said Rita, “did you see the news? That guy was a business partner of his and he was chewin’ him out, right there on stream, and just because the guy disagreed with him.”

 

“He always seemed like a such a straight-talking individual,” said Lady Orion.

 

“Well that’s the problem with straight-talkin people,” said Rita, “they talk themselves straight outta helpin’ you.”

 

Lady Orion huffed a laugh. “You’re not wrong about that. Such a shame too, he really seemed like a good candidate. And I really was looking for someone to back besides Mx Pereyra.” She paused, giving RIta a side-long look. “You don’t know of anyone else decent who’s running, do you?”

 

“Oh, I don’t have much time for politics, y’know” said Rita, “I got a job to do and I’m just tryin’ to do it. Anyway, I gotta go, just wanted to let you know about, y’know,” she gestured, almost knocking over the elegant vase crowding the desk, “everythin’. You’ve been a good client with us and we don’t want to see you get messed with by anyone, even a big-time political guy.”

 

“Very kind of you.”

 

“All part of the service,” said RIta, distracted as she ran through the mental list of who she still had left to see, and whether or not she needed to bring a bribe to get past their security.

 

Maybe, if she hadn’t been  _ so _ distracted thinking about the long list of things she’d need to do to even make a dent in O’Flaherty’s armour and how short of a time she had to do it in, she would have notice the strange expression on Mx Rosetta’s face or the glint in Lady Orion’s eye. As it was, she was quite surprised when Mick shook her awake the next morning, brandishing a large VOTE RITA poster he’d torn down from a wall on his way to Juno’s office.

 

“You didn’t even tell me you were running!” said Mick, pouting.

 

“I didn’t know I  _ was _ runnin’,” said Rita, rubbing sleep out of her eyes, “give me a minute-- actually, can you get me a coffee?”

 

“For the future mayor?” said Mick, “Of course!”

 

Rita laughed. “Future mayor, right.” She looked over at the poster. “At least they picked a good picture.”

 

It was an easy enough thing to trace - someone had done a clumsy job of backdating her into the system. They’d even backdated a few campaign contributions, which was nice. Rita’s eyes widened. It was  _ very _ nice. A lot of the contributors were the people she spoke to last night.

 

Her phone rang, and she answered it without looking at the screen. “Hello, Juno Steel Detective Agency, Rita speaking.”

 

“Rita,” said Lady Orion, “I hope I didn’t wake you- have you seen the morning news?”

 

“What mornin’-- oh my  _ gawd _ !”

 

It was the top headline - she was still 40% behind Pereyra and O’Flaherty, but it was still pretty impressive, given she hadn’t been running until three hours ago.

 

“I hope you don’t mind,” said Lady Orion, “after you left I was just thinking about how good it would have been to have someone who meant what they said as the mayor of this town, someone who would twist on me the moment things got tough, someone I could trust to protect me… it wasn’t a very long list, I’ll be honest, but once I thought of you, I made a few calls, and, well--”

 

“I dunno ma’am,” said Rita, “I already have a job. And Mista O’Flaherty’s got a pretty big head start on me.”

 

“After managing Juno Steel I have no doubt you can handle it.” They chuckled. “I know it’s quite the long shot, but at the very least you’ll be a better opponent for him than Mx Pereyra, no one’s seen them for days.”

 

Rita’s eyes went a little wide, and she started typing as she spoke, her mouth and her hands on two very different trains of thought.

 

“Well I’ll certainly give it my best shot,” said Rita.

 

She pulled up the tracking information for Pereyra’s main vehicle, following its path around town until it stopped at the museum. She flicked to the tracking for Juno’s eye. Both data points stayed at the same location, one following the other slowly, until Juno’s flickered out of existence.

 

“I know you will,” said Lady Orion, “we’re counting on you Rita!”

 

Rita rested her chin in her hand, looking at Juno’s tracking screen. NO CONNECTION FOUND. Mista Steel, wherever he was, he was counting on her too. 

 

“Sure thing Lady Orion,” Rita hesitated. “Y’know, while I have you on the phone, I was thinkin’ - you have access to a lotta bank records over there, right?”

 

“I should think I do, seeing as how I manage them,” said Lady Orion.

 

She sounded amused, so Rita pressed on.

 

“Well, not that I was after anything  _ too _ personal, but I was wonderin’ if you could check something on one of Mista O’Flaherty’s subsidiaries for me?”

 

“May I ask why?”

 

This situation called for the big guns: direct honesty. Well, as direct as Rita could get without going into what Juno would have called ‘conspiracy theory territory’.

 

“Because he’s got a long payroll and not all of them are connected to him directly, especially ones that don’t fit so well with his upstandin’ image,” said Rita, “and I want to check if one person in particular is on that list.”

 

“I see,” said Lady Orion, “well, I suppose it can’t hurt to do a small favour for our future mayor. Send me the subsidiary you want to check and I’ll send you this list.”

 

“It’s already sent!” said Rita brightly, “Thank you so much for doin’ this Lady Orion, Mista Steel and I really appreciate it.”

 

It didn’t take long for the records to come through. Some weren’t surprising - aliases she recognised from other cases Juno had worked in the past, city officials and off-world businessmen - and a few that weren’t (she sketched a flower to remember them, each petal a reminder to check on how they were flipped). There, right towards the bottom, one of the first people quickly acquired by O’Flaherty for his campaign: the Piranha.

 

The same Piranha that Juno had been chasing for months. The same Piranha that Juno had thought was working for Mayor Pereyra.

 

A double cross. Or maybe even a triple cross, or a  _ quadruple _ cross! Rita shook herself. No matter how many crosses were going on, Juno probably didn’t know, and that meant he was in more danger than he thought he was. He always said half of the most important thing in detective work was having more information than the other guy, and that was what he had her for. And for the other half of the detective work he had his gun.

 

Rita bit her lip. She hoped he had his gun, at least. She’d have to do the information part a little long distance, until she could find Juno again.

 

Knowing the Piranha was probably where Juno was gave her more tracking data to work with. Rita wasn’t one to judge, what people put took out and put into their bodies as replacements was none of her business, but no  _ way _ were those the Piranha’s original teeth, and all replacements could be tracked, even back-alley ones, if you were good enough.

 

Rita was good enough, even if she did say so herself.

 

The new information brought up a whole new web of tracking information. When she put it next to Juno’s, there was more overlap than there should have been. Juno had been followed and, what was worse, it didn’t look like he’d noticed. 

 

The Piranha didn’t go anywhere near O’Flaherty’s office, giving a wide berth to any point on the map where O’Flaherty was and sticking close to Mayor Pereyra when she wasn’t trailing behind or ahead of Juno. Rita bit her lip. If the Piranha was working with O’Flaherty, they must have communicated  _ some _ how--

 

The phone rang.

 

“Of  _ course _ !” said Rita, “A private channel!”

 

“You want me to get that Ms Rita?” said Mick.

 

“What? Oh, no, I got it,” said Rita, typing with one hand while she picked up the phone with the other. “Juno Steel Detective Agency, Rita speaking, what can we solve for you?”

 

“Is this the Rita that’s running for mayor?”

 

“Uh, yeah, I guess so,” said Rita, cradling the phone between her ear and her shoulder so she could hack into the comm network system with both hands.

 

“Would you mind if I asked you a few questions?”

 

“Who is it?” hissed Mick.

 

“That’s a good question!” said Rita, “What’s your name, mystery question asker?”

 

“Lou Chester, Hyperion Eye News.”

 

Rita checked them with one hand while she continued to hack with the other. Hyperion Eye News was a small blog with exactly one reporter, editor, and manager and they were all the same person: Lou Chester.

 

“Well alright Lou Chester, what d’you wanna know?”

 

“Your campaign seems to have sprung up overnight,“ said Lou breathlessly, “was this something you’ve been working on behind the scenes, waiting for a decisive moment of weakness from Pereyra and O'Flaherty before bringing your campaign into the light?”

 

“Uh,” said Rita, trying to remember the kinds of things Helen Chavez, the mayor in  _ As The Earth Turns, _ said in these situations, “I can’t comment on campaign strategy?”

 

“Can you comment on the segment of O'Flaherty supporters who have switched their funding into your campaign?”

 

“I guess they just like me more,” said Rita.

 

Lou laughed.

 

Rita had broken through the network’s flimsy firewall, now it was just a case of sifting through the hundreds of thousands of call lines to find the ones that O'Flaherty and the Piranha had used. Rita resettled the phone between her shoulder and her ear. This was the fun part.

 

“You’re certainly more easy to get ahold of,” said Lou.

 

“Yeah, well,” said Rita, “Mista O'Flaherty’s an upstandin’ businessman, and it’s been my experience that upstandin’ businessmen don’t have a lot of time to take calls or meetings that haven’t been scheduled for two weeks by their secretary, unless you know someone who knows someone, you know?”

 

“And what about you,” said Lou, “does your secretary schedule you like that?”

 

Rita laughed. “I  _ am  _ the secretary. I’ve only  _ worked _ for fancy businessmen, I haven’t  _ been _ one.”

 

She’d narrowed it down to a handful of comm lines, easy to identify by the way the calls had been scrambled. Rita rolled her eyes. It meant people couldn’t listen to your call at the time, sure, but it sure made it easy to spot afterwards. Plus, it looked like O'Flaherty (or, more likely, his security team that was supposed to be handling it) hadn’t erased the record logs properly, or, no-- Rita frowned at the screen. Someone had gone in  _ before  _ they were erased and copied them, hiding the copies in the system under false code. 

 

O'Flaherty was trying to erase the calls, and the Piranha was backing them up ahead of time. Even though coding  _ clearly _ wasn’t her area of expertise, Rita could appreciate the forethought. Plus, neither of them had to be smarter than O'Flaherty - they only had to be smarter than whoever he was employing to do this part of it.

 

“Do you think it’s that hardworking ethos that makes you such appealing candidate?” said Lou.

 

“I dunno,” said Rita distractedly, as she pulled the files into another screen to download them through several of her usual proxies, “I mean, it could be. I know a lot of people in this city, either from workin’ with the HCPD or workin’ with Mista Steel, and I guess it’s easier to trust someone you know to take care of you and yours when you know them, y’know? I’m sure they know Mista O'Flaherty just as well, but knowin’ someone from a fancy dinner party is different to knowing someone you work with.” The files finished downloading, organising themselves neatly in the folder on her screen. “Sorry Lou, I have another call comin’ in, I gotta go.”

 

“Oh!” said Lou, “No problem! Thank you for your time Ms Rita!”

 

“You too,” said Rita.

 

She was very, very careful to make sure she had hung up before she hit play. It was the Piranha’s voice, low in her ear as she worked out a rate for “changing positions” with O'Flaherty. Another call to update O'Flaherty on Pereyra and Juno’s current status at the museum. And a final one, confirming her orders once she heard the election results.

 

“You okay Ms Rita?” said Mick, “you’ve gone real pale- was it the phone call? Did you get bad news?”

 

“Yeah,” said Rita faintly, “Yeah, it’s--- Mista Steel’s in big trouble Mista Mercury.”

 

“Even worse trouble than before?”

 

Rita nodded. “Even  _ worse _ .”

 

“Worse than vanished-off-the-face-of-the-planet- _ missing _ ?” said Mick, working himself up, “What’s worse than-- oh no. Oh  _ no _ , Ms Rita, what are we gonna do?”

 

“Calm down Mista Mercury, I got a plan!”

 

“You do?”

 

“Of course I do it’s… um… Okay!” said Rita, “Okay, so I do have a plan! First, we’re going to need to build a broadcasting device.”

 

“A-- what?”

 

“A broadcasting device!” said Rita. The picture of it was growing clearer in her mind now. She pulled out a piece of scrap paper, writing down a list of parts and then tearing it in half. “You get these, and I’ll get these ones, and then it basically builds itself! Well, not builds itself exactly but it’s real easy.”

 

Mick frowned at the list. “And this will help Juno?”

 

“Of course!” said Rita.

 

“Then I’ll do it Ms Rita,” said Mick, looking into the middle distance dramatically.

 

“Okay,” said Rita, “thanks Mista Mercury. You know where to get everything from?”

 

Mick looked down at the list again. “Yeah. Yeah I think so. I know a guy at the crapyards that can do me a good deal.”

 

“Great!” said RIta, pushing him towards to door, “see you in a few hours! Be careful!”

 

She waited until she heard his footsteps clomping down the stairs before she locked the office door, turning back to her own list. She looked down at it, thinking very hard about what Juno would do in this situation.

 

He’d call her. Rita sighed. She couldn’t call herself… but maybe she could do the next best thing. She pulled open the filing cabinet and picked through their clients - they’d helped a lot of people. Most of them hadn’t been big-picture important, life-shattering cases. Mostly, they’d helped regular people out of regular-level-bad situations, some of whom worked with tech recycling, or security footage, or tracking data, or had access to blueprints of old, long-closed transportation lines and maps of the barren mars terrain. And they  _ all _ remember Rita, and that she’d helped them with their paperwork and talked them through their payment plans and apologised on Mista Steel’s behalf on the days when he was particularly prickly.

 

A few of them said they’d even be voting for her, which was nice of them.

 

Mick brought the old junk tech just like she asked, huffing and puffing and making a show of it as he dragged it all onto the desk in Mista Steel’s office. He couldn’t really help with the building of it so she sent him out to get coffee. He wasn’t so bright, or lucky, but he was coming through in a pinch. Rita thought it was very Juno Steel of him.

 

He came back with smoothies instead, jumping with excitement about something he saw in a newsfeed he read on the walk back that it took him ten minutes to properly get it out. 

 

There had been another round of polling data. Rita was ahead by 2%.

 

She dropped the spanner she was holding. “I’m what?”

 

“You’re winning!” said Mick, “you’re ahead! You’re winning! You’re--”

 

There was a knock at the door. Two loud, clean knocks. Very heavy. Very businesslike. There had never been a knock on the office door that sounded like that that had brought good news.

 

Mick stared at her, eyes wide.

 

“Stay here,” whispered Rita, “I’ll go see who it is.”

 

She quietly closed the blind on Juno’s office door and closed it behind her. The viewscreen on her desk showed that it was O'Flaherty and his hulking assistant.

 

Rita took a deep breath. She brushed down her dress. There was a streak of oil on one of her hands, so she tucked it in her dress pocket.

 

Juno did this sort of thing all the time. She could do it at least once.

 

She put a bright smile on her face, and opened the door.

 

“Mista O'Flaherty! What are you doin’ all the way down here?”

 

O'Flaherty’s warm smile looked a great deal more forced than when she visited his office. “Miss Rita, may I come in?

 

“Of course!” said Rita, “Sorry, the office is kinda a mess at the moment, I’ve been tryin’ to look for Mista Steel and it’s  _ real _ difficult.”

 

“I thought when we spoke last you agreed that he would return on his own?” said O'Flaherty.

 

“Well, you know,” said Rita, keeping her voice light, “I guess I can’t leave a mystery alone!”

 

“Yes,” said O'Flaherty, “you and Juno have that in common.” He paused. “Which brings me to why I’m here. I read an interesting article about you running for mayor--”

 

“ _ I _ know!” said Rita, “Crazy, right? I just woke up one day and they asked me what I thought of it and I said I’d never really thought about it because I never had, except after Franny and I took Mista Steel to see that movie about that woman who runs for mayor only it turns out that the guy runnin’ against her is her ex husband and  _ then _ it turns out--”

 

“Miss Rita,” said O'Flaherty, holding up a hand, “allow me to get to the point, so that we can both get back to our respective days. Do you intend to continue to run?”

 

Rita held herself still, digging her nails into the palm the her hand in her pocket. She tilted her head up, so she could look him right in his cold, grey eyes. “Well, I’m winnin’ so far, ain’t I?”

 

“So far,” said O'Flaherty, “but I thought perhaps that you’d see the value in quitting while you were ahead.”

 

Rita didn’t move. “Now why would I do a thing like that?”

 

“Perhaps you’ve found that you don’t enjoy the political spotlight, or you want to spend more time with your family, or simply enjoy your freedom.”

 

“No,” said Rita, “that’s not it.”

 

“And I suppose nothing can convince you not to continue down this path you’ve chosen?”

 

“Nah,” said Rita, “The only person who’s any good at talkin’ me out of things is Mista Steel.”

 

The small amount of remaining warmth went out of O'Flaherty’s face. “Well then. Perhaps you will be seeing him again sooner than you think.”

 

“You know where he is?” said Rita, letting her worry seep into her voice.

 

O'Flaherty’s eyes flashed. “Perhaps.”

 

“If you know where he is, can’t you tell me?”

 

“In good time Miss Rita,” said O'Flaherty, “once I am the mayor, I will send details of his suspected location to you.” He paused. “ _ Only _ once I am the mayor. I hope you know what to do now.”

 

Rita’s shoulders dropped. “Of course I do, sir.”

 

“Good,” said O'Flaherty, “perhaps you’re not like your former employer after all.”

 

He jerked his head at his lumbering assistant, who slammed the door behind them as they left. Rita listened to their footsteps dissapereing down the stairs, fading into the sound of the city.

 

Rita pulled her oil-streaked hand of her pocket, looking at the indentation her nails had made in her palm.

 

“I know  _ exactly  _ what to do.”

 

She checked on Mick first, and the machine - it booted up great, now it was just a matter of getting the frequency right on the day but that wasn’t a problem.

 

Then, she sat down, and did exactly what Juno would do - she asked for help.

 

She called all the assistants and secretaries and personal assistants she knew in Hyperion City, and she knew a  _ lot _ . There was nothing in the campaign guidelines that said she couldn’t do that (and she would know, she'd memorised them all in a doodle she did of a big caterpillar). Rita chatted to each of the for a while about nothing in particular, and then she asked them how their boss felt about her being the mayor, and if maybe they could put in a good word for her?

 

“You know Mx Phillips always had a soft spot for you when you worked here,” said Doralee, receptionist for the fifth floor at TravelWell Intergalactic Inc, “I don’t think they’d be hard to convince.”

 

“It would be good to have someone from our side of things on top for a change,” said Violet, secretary to Chief Justice Themis, “let me see what I can do.”

 

“Of  _ course _ ,” said Judy, personal assistant to the CEO at the First Bank Hyperion, “ _ Our _ Rita, the mayor! Wouldn’t that be something!”

 

“It would be something!” said Rita, “I know there’s not much time left before voting now, but I thought it never hurts to ask.”

 

Rita watched the votes counts trickle in over the day out the corner of her eye as she pieced audio together and coded the machine that would send it out, making sure the signal would hold steady.

 

“Explain to me again how this thing’s supposed to work?” said Mick, slightly out of breath as he held held the heavy metal dish steady.

 

“How it  _ will _ work,” said Rita, checking the wires underneath the dish were connected properly, “is that when they announce who won on the radio and it’s me, we turn on this broadcast tuned to the Piranha’s location, it broadcasts out what she’s expectin’ to hear, which is Mista O'Flaherty’s victory speech which I made from a bunch of his  _ other _ speeches, so she follows whatever regular plan she’s been given  _ plus _ we confirm her location, which should be the same as Mista Steel’s location, and then we go pick him up!”

 

“Right,” said Mick after a moment, “but what happens if you don’t win?”

 

“Don’t underestimate the power of Hyperion City’s secretarial force, Mista Mercury,” said Rita, waving her soldering iron at him, “now, lower that back down-- carefully! Carefully.”

 

She made sure to keep herself, and Mick, too busy to worry or watch the vote count.

 

“Juno Steel Detective Agency, Rita speaking,” said Rita.

 

“Congratulations Ms Mayor,” said Lady Orion.

 

“Ms  _ WHAT _ !”

 

She turned to Mick, who was pointing frantically at the screen showing the final results. 

 

She’d won by 10%.

 

A very red faced O'Flaherty was in the corner of the screen, pushing through a crowd of reporters, the microphones catching his “no comment, I said  _ no comment at this time _ ” as he went.

 

“Oh my  _ gawd _ ,” said Rita.

 

She gave herself a full minute to stare at the screen, the people celebrating, the talking heads discussing her as though they knew she’d win right from the start, the ticker running along the bottom of the screen that said MAYOR RITA more times than she could count.

 

Rita took a deep breath, focusing herself. She went through the machine again with Mick, how all he had to do was watch the real broadcast and as soon as the press conference kicked off properly, he just had to flick this switch, no, that that one,  _ this _ one, here, where she was pointing. Mick nodded like he got it, and so Rita had to trust that he did. They’d come this far with him trusting her, she could give a little trust in return.

 

There was a crowd of people around the office doors. There was no stage, so Rita went and got a chair to stand on so she could see everyone properly. She didn’t have a microphone, but then again, she’d never been accused of having a voice that would need one.

 

“Uh, hi everyone! Thanks for coming out, especially all the way down here,” said Rita. She tried not to focus on the cameras or the flash of drones taking photos. She looked for the familiar faces -- the guy from the place on the corner that sold the coffee Juno likes, the group of teenagers who hung out in the alley near her apartment, a few clients, scattered.

 

“ _ Well _ . I bet none of us expected to be here today, huh! It’s not often a secretary gets to do a press conference like this,” said Rita. A few people laughed, and Rita smiled. She could do this. This was just talking to people. She’d been doing that her whole life.

 

After, she took the first lot of stairs, the set you could see from the entry door, slowly and carefully and then sprinted up the rest of them, slamming through the office door.

 

“Did you get it?”

 

“Yeah, I think so,” said Mick, “When I pressed the button this new dot appeared on your tracking map.”

 

It was a dot in the middle of the desert. Rita rifled through the pile of old blueprints until she found the right section of the desert. There was a tunnel that ran almost all the way to it.

 

“Well?” said Mick, his hands twisting the fabric of his jacket.

 

“That’s him!” said Rita, “That’s where he is! We found him! We--”

 

Her phone buzzed. Rita picked up without looking at it, years of habit moving her hand before her brain caught up. “Juno Steel Detective Agency, Rita speaking.”

 

“Rita, hello, it’s Shaida, Alessandra’s wife.”

 

“Oh! Ma’am, good news, I found out where Mista Steel is and so I’m pretty sure we can track down you wife!”

 

“So can I,” said Shaida, “she dragged herself through the door about ten minutes ago.”

 

Rita almost drops her phone. “She  _ what _ .”

 

“She’s here, and she--hold  _ on, _ love, she wanted to check on Juno, and this is the only number I have for him, so--”

 

There was a fumbling sound, and then Alessandra was on the line. “Hello, Juno?”

 

“No, it’s Rita.”

 

“Rita, you’re his secretary right, listen, he’s in real danger, he’s out in the desert somewhere and--”

 

“It’s okay Mrs Strong, I’ve got a lock on his location,” said Rita.

 

“--he wouldn’t come with me, I really tired to-- wait, you do?”

 

“Yes ma’am, I’ve got it right here in front of me, I’m heading out to get him right this minute, so you rest up, and don’t worry about a thing.”

 

“It’s… he’s with someone dangerous right now, a woman known as the Piranha--”

 

“Oh good,” said Rita, “that’s how I’m tracking him.”

 

“You…”

 

There was more fumbling of the phone, and then Shaida’s voice came back on the line.

 

“It sounds like you have everything under control Rita, thank you. I’m going to drag my wife to the hospital now, please get Detective Steel to call once you’ve got him so Alessandra doesn’t worry herself into an early grave.”

 

“No problem,” said Rita, “he’ll call her tonight or my name isn’t Mayor Rita!”

 

“Thank you Rita,” said Shaida.

 

“Mayor  _ what _ ?” said Alessandra in the background, before Shaida hung up.

 

“Right!” said Rita, putting her hands on her hips, “now the thing we’ve gotta do is find a vehicle that can stand going through the desert. I wonder if I get one of those as part of being the mayor.”

 

She could, as it turned out, although the attendant told her that it wasn’t really meant for  _ long _ trips into the desert.

 

“Oh, we won’t be long,’ said Rita, “we’re just picking someone up.”

 

“From the desert?”

 

“Yep!” said Rita brightly.

 

“Well we uh,” the attendant blinked, starting again. “We have a range of qualified drivers who--”

 

“Oh, don’t worry about that,” said Rita, “Mick’s my driver. Who’d be better than the king of the highway?”

 

“Uh, yeah,” said Mick, “that’s me.”

 

“Sorry Ms Mayor, I thought he was perhaps your… bodyguard.”

 

“My bodyguard?”

 

“I believe most mayors have one in place prior to their inauguration.”

 

“Right,” said Rita, “so I’ll go do this, and then I’ll do that. Wow, there’s a lot to do when you’re the mayor huh? Come on Mick!”

 

She gave him directions after they leave the highway behind, bumping along over the sand dunes on modified tyres. They passed through burned out structures, warped beyond recognition under the martian radiation. They passed the entrance to a cave, sealed by hulking blast doors.

 

“He should be coming up over-- there! Mick!”

 

Mick slammed on the breaks, spraying sand into the air. It certainly did the job of getting Juno’s attention at least. Juno’s hand went to his side, where his blaster normally was, grasping empty air.

 

“Mista Steel!” yelled Rita, throwing open the limo’s door, “don’t shoot!”

 

“Rita…” Juno heaved a sigh. “Wow, the radiation must be getting to me faster than I thought. Or the blood loss.”

 

Rita ignored him, much like she usually did when he was brooding, and threw herself at him. 

 

“Mista Steel you look  _ terrible _ ,” said Rita, “how’d you manage to be so sunburnt  _ and _ pale!”

 

“I got all my blood taken out and then I stood in the sun for two hours,” said Juno, “ _ You _ look great for a hallucination.”

 

“I’m  _ not _ a hallucination!” said Rita, “Come on Mista Steel, into the car.”

 

Juno blinked at the limo behind her. “Well now I  _ know _ I’m hallucinating. Where did  _ you  _ get a limo?”

 

“I asked someone to let me borrow it,” said Rita, tugging on his hand, “come  _ on _ Mista Steel.”

 

“Oh no,” huffed Juno, “this is just my mind’s way of giving me a comforting death. I go down there with you, or, with not-really-you, and then I sit down in your not-really-there-car, and by the time the ride is over I’m cooked. No way. Let me just walk on in peace.”

 

When he got himself into a funk like this there were really only three things that worked. There wasn’t time for a movie night, and they were a long way from Juno’s favourite noodle place. Which left Rita with only one option.

 

She slapped him.

 

“ _ Ow _ ! What’d you do that for?”

 

“I! Am! Not! A! Hallucination!” said Rita, punctuating each word by hitting him on the arm, because it looks like that’s the only part of him that wasn’t bruised.

 

“Ow!  _ Ow _ ! Okay, jeez Rita,” said Juno, “but how in the  _ hell _ did you get all the way out here? How did you even know where  _ here _ was?”

 

“Mista Mercury drove,” said Rita, pulling Juno forward more easily now that he wasn’t resisting, “and I tracked at least… six different items to get the location right.”

 

“Mick?”

 

“Hey Juno!” said Mick, “Wow, you look really terrible.”

 

Juno huffed a laugh, groaning a little as he bent to sit in the car. “Thanks Mick.”

 

Rita shut the door and opened the fridge (a car with its own refrigerator! Being the mayor was already incredible), handing Juno some water and getting out the small amount of medical supplies she brought with her.

 

“Let’s get out of here Mista Mercury. This car ain’t exactly built for long-term radiation resistance.”

 

“You got it, Ms Mayor.”

 

Juno choked on the water. “Mayor-?”

 

“That’s me!” said Rita.

 

“How-- No. I heard O'Flaherty’s speech,” said Juno, “I heard him win.”

 

“Oh, no, see, that was the broadcast I put out for the Piranha so that she wouldn’t do anything wildly unexpected from her regular plan, because I figured you could probably handle her on her regular plan, so I made sure she got the information she needed to keep to it.” said Rita.

 

“But you-- how,” Juno took a deep breath, pinching the bridge of his nose. “How?”

 

“Well,” said Rita, leaning forward so she can start cleaning a nasty looking cut above Juno’s eye, “I was trying to find you because you didn’t leave a note or tell me  _ anything _ about where you were going and no one would tell me  _ anything _ so I had to figure out a way to get people to tell me and I thought ‘what would Mista Steel do’ and  _ then  _ I thought--” 

 

“You thought you’d become the mayor?”

 

“Yes! I mean, it wasn’t my first plan but you always say to scrap a plan when it’s not working no more and this one  _ did _ work, so there you go!” 

 

Juno stared at her for a long moment and then laughed, the sound of it a little raspy but genuine, rubbing the back of his neck. “I guess I’m going to have to find a new assistant.”

 

“Mista Steel!” said Rita, “ _ I’m _ your assistant!”

 

“You can’t be my assistant Rita, you’re the  _ mayor _ .”

 

“Oh yeah.” Rita paused. “Well. Maybe I can do both.”

 

“I don’t know that they let you do that,” said Juno, “And I think mayors are generally too busy and important to be PI’s secretaries.”

 

“Maybe  _ most _ mayors,” said Rita, “most mayors aren’t  _ me _ . I’m great at multitasking.”

 

“That’s… true,” said Juno.

 

“Then it’s settled,” said Rita.

 

“It definitely is not,” said Juno, wincing as the car bumped over the top of a dune.

 

“Sorry!” said Mick.

 

“It’s fine,” said Juno, “I’m not dying any faster than I was earlier.”

 

“We’re dropping you straight to the hospital, mayor’s orders,” said Rita.

 

“That,” said Juno, “I won’t argue you on.”

 

“Good,” said Rita, “And then you need to help me find a bodyguard.”

 

“A bodyguard?”

 

“This guy, who, I guess he works for me? Anyway, he told me I need to get one, and Mista O'Flaherty  _ was _ pretty mad that he didn’t win the election, so it’s probably a good idea for when I’m outside the office.”

 

“So I’m supposed to employ you a bodyguard?” said Juno.

 

“No, you employ me and then  _ I _ employ the bodyguard,” said Rita.

 

“Right,” said Juno, “well, who do you have in mind?”

 

“Well I don’t know that’s why I asked  _ you _ ,” said Rita, “I could ask the Kanagawa’s who they use.”

 

“Are you kidding? Whoever they suggested would kill you in your sleep,” said Juno.

 

“I heard JoAnne McCraw’s in town,” said Rita.

 

“She’d kill you and  _ then  _ sell your organs to the highest bidder,” said Juno.

 

“What about Tricia Costello,” said Rita, “you like her, don’t you?”

 

“I do, but not for bodyguard work,” said Juno

 

Rita tilted her head to side. “Well, what about you?”

 

Juno dropped the bottle of water. “ _ Me _ ?”

 

“Yeah,  _ you  _ Mista Steel.”

 

“That’s your worst suggestion yet,” said Juno.

 

“Come on Mista Steel!” said Rita, “You’d be a great bodyguard!”

 

“I’ve never  _ been _ a bodyguard,” said Juno.

 

“There!” said Rita triumphantly, “So how do you know you’d be bad at it!”

 

“I think it’s the kind of thing you really want to be sure the person’s qualified for before you hire them Rita,” said Juno.

 

“Well I’ve seen you save  _ hundreds _ of people, so I think you’re  _ plenty _ qualified,” said Rita.

 

Juno sighed. “Rita…”

 

Rita picked up the water bottle Juno had dropped, holding it out to him. “Mista Steel. I’m probably gonna need a bodyguard. And I can’t think of anyone I trust for the job more than you.”

 

Juno let out a long breath rubbing a hand across his face. “You’re not going to let this go until I agree, are you?”

 

“Nope!”

 

Juno huffed a laugh. He took the water bottle from her hand. “Okay. I feel like we’re both going to regret this, but… okay.”

 

Rita let out a shout of joy, pulling Juno in for a hug.

 

“Ow, Rita, watch the ribs!”

 

“Oh, I’m sorry Mista Steel!” said Rita, giving him another, more gentle hug, “I’m just real glad we get to keep workin’ together.”

 

“You know,” said Juno, “I am too.”

 

They breathed for a moment, the city slowly coming into view.

 

“Do you think the noodle place will give a discount to the mayor?” said Juno. 

 

Rita smiled, a mayoral-race winning smile.

 

“They’d better!” 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> come say hi: mariusperkins on most places


End file.
